Faith in the Darkness

In the last month before I gave birth to my son, the tiring nature of pregnancy combined with the anticipation of becoming a mom was almost more than I could bear. I was tired of feeling heavy and slow, and excited and anxious about the coming new life.

This is exactly how I feel here in the closing weeks of winter, waiting for the arrival of Spring. I’m tired of the darkness and slow pace of winter and filled with energy wanting to burst forward. But try as I may (and sometimes I try mighty hard), I can’t make the new “something” arrive any sooner. And truthfully, I know that much like pregnancy, there is a “right time” for birthing a fresh project in life.

I feel this frustration every year, but this year in particular has been especially trying for me. I recently made some major changes in my life and feel like I’ve been “marking time” all winter, just letting the dust settle. I’m eager to get going on new projects. But a few weeks ago I had a dream that helped immensely with my frustration of waiting for this season’s new life to show itself. It went like this:

I am on an enormous aircraft carrier sized ship. I’m below deck with a group of women preparing to go scuba diving. Everyone is busy figuring out how to keep their feet warm in what will surely be cold water. I’ve done this a million times and I know my feet will be fine, so I wander up to the bridge of the ship to see what’s happening.

There I encounter the woman who is steering the ship, and she’s no ordinary captain. She is tall, graceful and has long, thick wavy hair that seems to flow all around her shoulders. I peer through the windows and it’s so dark outside I can’t even see where the horizon of the water meets the sky.

I ask her how she can steer through all the darkness, and she points to a screen above the wheel. With her finger she traces the course she’s taking, the obstacles she’s avoiding, and the place where we will finally leave the harbor and enter the ocean. I’m stunned at her confidence and ease: the screen is as black as the water and the sky outside! But her calm, self-assured presentation of our path has convinced me that all is well, and I return to the deck below to finish preparing for the dive.

When I woke from this dream I immediately knew I had met the Goddess. She was letting me know that despite the appearance of darkness, she has it all under control. Although the path is not yet mine to see, she is steering me around potential pitfalls that I can’t even see, guiding me safely out into vast waters where I can explore to my heart’s content. And as if that weren’t enough, we’re traveling together on a ship that is so huge, even the strongest waves and most powerful storms will not endanger my new adventure!

Look for signs of approaching new life in your dreams this month. You may be feeling darkness in some corner of your life, but spring is just around the corner. New life, new growth, new awareness, new adventures await. It’s just nature’s way!